So anyway, as I was trying to say that I watched my first NC-16 movie in a theatre last Friday. Resident Evil: Extinction wasn't a bad movie. The action was fine, the zombies were creepy enough. Even White Queen, that AI for the co-operation was done really well. It amazes me to think that they got a little girl like that to play the part so nicely. Creepily awesome.
*Oh wait. I just searched her up and found that she's actually acted in Lost. How could I not have seen her...
In the light of the coming examinations, I want to be of some help to our readers. So here, I'm going to give all of you some tips to bring us through this time of trial.
For English:
It is too late.I've been telling you guys for years. Read more. But if you haven't, you don't do it now. There's no time for you to pull Lord of the Rings off your coffin and start ploughing through it. You can only benefit from reading, if you do it for pleasure. And you can only think that the previous sentence is funny if you've been corrupted. Like me. So, instead of reading novels, I seriously suggest that you go technical.
Common spelling mistakes.
Alright. We often get confused with different spellings(because the Americans wanted to be different), and sometimes we just get the word plain wrong. I'm going to list out a few commonly mispelled words for us to take note of.
Definitely.
Yes, it's DEFINITELY, not DEFINATELY. Same as "infinitely." Always try to pronounce the words you write, because most words are pronounced the way you spell them.
Available.
It's A-VAIL-ABLE. Not A-VAIL-IABLE. Many people spell it AVAILIABLE. Kids, there is no "liable" in the word.
Embarrassment.
Two R's, two S's. That is all.
Masturbation.
Not that it's likely that you'll use this word, but please note, that it's not MASTERBATION. And on no accounts should you write stuff like "whack off".
A lot.
There is no such word as "alot".
TV.
It's not "TV". You have to write "television". Don't be lazy. Also under this category, are "specs", "comps", "tards", and "orly". If you want, write "Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation" instead of laser.
Misspelled.
Not Mispelled. There are 2 S's.
Apparition.
Not APPA-RATION. I used to make this mistake a lot.
Tomorrow.
One M, then two R's.
Drunkenness.
Two N's at the back. Remember.
Vacuum.
One C, two U's. No N's. So when you write about your brains being sucked out when you accidentally jumped out the airlock...
Sergeant.
That's how you spell the rank. If you can't spell it, please stay away from military-talk.
Privilege.
Another word horribly mutilated over time. PRI-VI-LEGE. Not PRI-VE-LAGE.
Medieval
I spelt it right, and yet they circled it like kids with Obsessive Circle-things Disorder. ME-DIE-VAL.
Possession
4 S's altogether.
Pronunciation.
That's PRONUNCIATION.
Questionnaire
Like, question+naire. Not question+aire.
Okay, now just for a few tips for composition making...
1) Don't use cliches. They are a pain to read. I can't stand them, so you wouldn't think that those Cambridge people could, either. If you know an expression really well, chances are, that everyone else does too.
2) Don't say "don't". Always say "Do not". Unless you're detailing dialogue, you are not allowed to use contractions.
3) Never, ever start a sentence with "and", unless it's a piece of speech where the person is adding on to something previously said. Like,
A: We're going to die!
B: And I'm still hungry.
4) Please, under all circumstances, do not write like you're typing in a blog. This is conversational, and therefore I'm allowed to use contractions and intentionally misspelled words.
5) Sound professional. When writing a discussive, imagine that you are Albert Einstein delivering a speech on the theory of Relativity. If you can't, then well... Good luck.
6) Stay away from the paranormal. That includes ghosts, angels, religion, and Jedi. No matter how strongly you believe in them, do not write about them. Unless the topic clearly states something like "A Jedi's main advantage in battle is his lightsaber. Discuss."
7) Check your work. Or don't. I still want to top that chart, you know.
8) Even if you don't check your work, please make sure that your sentences are fairly coherent. I have read through many of your essays, and almost every one of them has a sentence or two that makes as much sense as Optimus Prime having prostate cancer.
9) Check for redundant words. Redundancy comes in forms such as "a solution to solve". Gah.
10) Pay me $10 an hour to coach you.
For the Sciences:
There's no time for you to memorise every single piece of information. Instead, get the general idea, and use your common sense. Always tell yourself, Science is not difficult.
1) Write more than what is asked for.
Many questions will ask for something, but award more marks than it should. This is most common for Biology. When a question asks "How does homeostasis work?", they probably also want you to define homeostasis. Basically, definitions are always important.
2) Use your imagination.
They're always asking for application, so apply. When they tell you that there's nuclear explosion far away, and ask you to describe the processes going on in the eye, try to imagine a nuclear fallout. Far away. That means you need to describe accomodation. Nuclear fallout. It's probably really bright, so write about that too.
3) Think simply.
More than once have I lost marks in Physics because I considered too many factors. This is O' Level Science, an insult to our intelligences, really. They expect you to know only what is taught, and answer accordingly. When a real life example is given, always assume that we live in a perfect world, where energy is transferred perfectly, and that things can magically appear out of nowhere to create a scenario.
4) Don't rush.
I once mistook a sperm cell for a root hair cell because I was trying to complete a paper in 10 minutes. I will never, ever do that again.
Some general guidelines:
1) One mark usually means one sub-process. If you mention that a certain group of muscles is contracting, you get one mark.
2) Biology is marked differently from the other two. When answering a Chemistry or Physics question, always read your answer, and see if you show understanding of the required concepts.
3) When you get stuck, try to make up points that sort of make sense. If you forget a word, look for a synonym. Whatever it is, never leave blanks. Make up some bullshit and dump in on the paper.
4) Whatever our teachers say, grammar is important. Yes, grammar is important in science. While you are allowed more licence here, always remember that you're being graded on how well you bring a scientific concept across. Engrish has no use other than making the Cambridge dudes cry for laughter.
And some general Do's and Don'ts before an exam.
Don't pull an all-nighter.
You heard me. Don't. It's not going to help. Sleep, is absolutely necessary. You need it for your cognitive functions. I know a lot of you think that the amount of study you can put in if you sacrifice a few hours can help you, but seriously, it's not good for you. Sure, you may be able to cram in a few more facts, review a couple more problems, but when the exam comes, you'll need your brain in tip-top condition. So in short, SLEEP.
Eat a full breakfast.
Remember biology? Your brain uses electrical impulses to work, so make sure you consume sufficient carbohydrates before a test.
Stay away from caffeine.
Makes you unable to sleep, causing you to lose precious rest, and impairing your ability in the examination.
Check Inventory:
1) At least 2 writing pens. If you're hating your current pens right now, please GO BUY NEW ONES. And then get used to them.2) The usual stuff. Pencil, ammo, eraser, ruler. The necessary for diagrams and graphs.
3) Timepiece. To keep track of your progress during the paper.
4) Personal hygiene products. Tissue paper, hangman's noose. Always be prepared.
5) Temperature regulator. It's gonna be cold.
And your lucky charm, if you want. Oh, but you can't say that the formula sheet is your lucky charm.
During the exam:
Stay hydrated. Whether that Barton guy's words were true or not, keep sipping. It stops you from having that biting sensation in your throat, keeping you comfortable.
Don't turn around and grin at me retardedly. I don't want to be accused of cheating because of anyone else.
If you need to take a whiz, ask to go as soon as you feel it coming. It's better than sitting there for half an hour squashing your legs together.
After collection, please, refrain from talking. If anyone decides to ignore this rule, they'd better have anti-ninja defences around their homes.
So that's about it for today. The next time I post may only be when I get my computer back. See ya'll.
-Joe