Ah, glorious new year. Excellent, wonderful, happy new year to all readers of The Quaver. The first day of 2008, without our human imagination, is nothing but another day in the endless continuum of time. A single unit, composed of eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds, where time flows at a rate of one second per second. If it weren't for our ability create and designate, today would mean nothing.

But alas, it is not nothing. Clearly, New Year's day has been granted a great significance by the population as a whole. We see no reason not to revel in this wondrous occasion. For once, sure of why. The coming of the New Year is a chance for all of us, every man, woman and child, plus the pet hamsters, to change. We live our lives by a yearly cycle. It is only once a cycle is finishing, and a new one is beginning, can we find time to make a decision, to resolve to change. Simply put, we're too lazy to bother any of while dealing with the endless obligations we receive during this cycle.

But no, I'm not complaining about humanity. This is one thing that I stand for. Everyone, we must seize the day, and make it better. We must strive to become better friends, better spouses(not that it's really applicable to this load), better brothers and sisters. Better people. Fitter, happier, more productive. Being more tolerant, being less annoying. Opening yourself to new people, new experiences, new puzzles and obstacles. It is only through change can we as human beings truly advance. So I urge everyone: Take this opportunity and make it good! Get together with your friends, have dinner with your family. Talk, discuss, converse! And not about how best to get to level fifteen of Pacman, but rather about yourself, about them, about life. Today is a special day, but that specialness won't stay unless you make it so. Don't wallow in self-pity, don't fuel any more grudges, let it all go behind you, let it trail into the nothingness that is the past.

Just like a phoenix, going out in flames, and being reborn once more... Take it as a new chance. A new beginning. A rebirthing, if you will. But never forget what it was that brought you this far. Your past decisions made you, so now is the time to make decisions that will turn you into what you want to be. Be ambitious, be proud. Do not cower, do not fear, for stat points wasted at low levels do not mean as much. I mean, uh...

Whatever you do today, make it symbolic. Make it memorable. All that matters is that it will bring you closer to becoming... Better.

As is customary for the New Year, I had prepared a list of my New Year's Resolutions for 2007.

In the past year, I made several resolutions. Sadly, the only ones I remember were the ones I failed miserably at achieving. One was doing all my homework, always. And there was one that involved cleaning my desk weekly. And then another one about practising on my trumpet until I was fit to perform.

The homework one went downhill after the first few months. Still, I congratulated myself on actually doing it. I remember all those times when I just wanted to toss my assignments away and say “ah, the hell with it”, before being reminded of that one little resolution I had made. And then with the desk. It worked for a while, but I kinda gave up since my desk kept piling up with the homework I'd resolved to do. Whoop te do, a logical paradox. The trumpet thing also killed itself when I realised that I couldn't play the trumpet. Sigh.

This year... Well, I don't really see any point in making a list. For one, there's nothing that I can think of that I know I'm already going to do, or can't do. It just doesn't have any meaning for me now, since the only stuff that I need improvement in are the ones I've flushed into the sewers and hope never to see again.

Instead, this year I will simply be focusing on one thing: Fulfilment. I resolve to make this year worthwhile. That means that I will do whatever it takes to be satisfied at the end, while having fun during the journey. It may seem a little vague, and yes, it's very vague. I have no idea what's ahead of me, but here and now I resolve to either make the most of it, or say “ah, the hell with it” while having a good time.

Also I want to beat Sze Chuan in Chemistry.

I can already hear him sharpening his razors...

Well, enough of that. I've prepared a list of what we can look forward to this year. Gadgets and games, namely. I don't know what other people would like, since... It's difficult for me to imagine.

A Personal Jetpack

http://money.cnn.com/video/#/video/fsb/2007/11/28/fsb.next.little.thing.jet.pack.fsb
This baby may seem really unattainable, but it's one of the coolest gadgets that'll be making an appearance this year. The consumer model will go for US$200 000, including the cost of training you how to use it. Personally, I think this could really be a dream come true. Who knows? Maybe by the year 2020 jetpacks might have replaced bicycles.

One downside to this is probably the minor flaw that is the stupidity of certain people. I mean, look at cars. Cars are these big steel cases that pretty much shield you from any kind of harm. And yet so many people die in car accidents ever year. Now look at the jetpack. So vulnerable. Imagine people flying it around and not paying attention to others. A collision between two careless individuals could result in malfunctioning of the pressure release mechanisms, and thus gravity calls. Or worse, if some idiot decided not to refill his gas tanks and ran out of it while at a high altitude. I hope we'll get around that somehow, I really do. Because then we'd all finally be able to fly.

The Google Phone

http://www.coolest-gadgets.com/20070420/google-phone-available-early-2008/
In , July 2005, Google acquired Android Inc, a small startup company based in Palo Alto. At Google, the team, led by Rubin, had developed a Linux based mobile device OS which they were marketing to handset makers and carriers on the premise of providing a flexible, upgradeable system.

Now I'm not too sure about this... And I don't think any of us could afford it either, but now we know that Google is really trying to take over the world.

Titanium Spring Loaded Insoles

“Built with five titanium springs that not only cushion and support the foot, these insoles return some of the energy of the downward footfall back up to the body for a “push off” with every stride. The suspension coils are only 1/4″ thick, making them just as suitable for athletic shoes as for work boots, and undetectable until a step is taken. Many foot and ankle ailments stem from the impact of the body’s weight while walking, which is why the five coils are positioned directly underneath the heel. The titanium construction ensures the springs will never wear down or lose their shock-absorbing capability. Seven smaller springs under the ball of the foot further disperse the impact and cradle the foot. The insole also features honeycomb padding with valves that draw in and expel air during walking for constant circulation to keep the shoe dry and skin healthy. “

Well that's what it says, anyway.

The SanDisk Sansa TakeTV Video Player

This one's for those of you who get TV shows on your computer, and want to watch them on a real television set. ust download the videos to the TakeTV flash drive and plug it into the TakeTV cradle for viewing. That’s it, no wires, cables or complicated hookups, just plug and play with the included remote.

Gee, I sound like some kind of salesman.

The Nike+iPod Sport Kit

This one's for the people who have resolved to exercise for the New Year. It's basically a shoe gadget that lets you track your time, distance, speed, all the while letting you listen to music. It's also got this nifty function where it tells you how far along you are on your schedule(It's programmable). No one buy me this for my birthday, please.

The ZINK Digital Camera PLUS Printer

I actually wanted to move on to less geeky items but I saw this and couldn't help it. It's basically a digital camera that prints pictures on the spot. Like a modern version of polaroids.

And then I realised that I am totally lost when trying to do something non-geeky. So games!

The Assassin's Creed, for PC

Release date: February 12 2008.

The Assassin's Creed has been out on the Xbox for some time now, but those of us who don't like/suck at using analog controls will be happy to know that this killer of a game is being released for the lovable computer, and two days before Valentine's, too. Which is funny, because I forsee many kids trying to think up an interesting way to spend that half-holiday playing.

Spore, PC

Estimated release date: Some time in April

One that we've all been waiting for. This strategy sim game lets you play god. You invent a little organism and make it grow, evolve, and colonise the universe. I'm really looking forward to this one.

Ghost Busters, PS3, PS2, Xbox 360, Wii, DS

Release date: Fall of 2008

Now when I saw this I was going “what the...Oh, right.”

The graphics certainly look a lot better than the previous ones... Yes, there were Ghost Busters games before this. They all sucked. But this one looks like it might have some promise...

Splinter Cell: Conviction, X360, PC

Release date: Early 2008

The fifth instalment of the Splinter Cell series... You know play as a rogue agent. The government is trying to kill you. It'll be much different from the others since you're not sneaking around like you used to. Instead, you'll be blending into crowds, hiding inside hot-dog stands, pretending that you're actually a homeless bum in need of a drink... You get the picture.

Final Fantasy XIII, PS3

Release date: Some time in 2008. We have no idea.

Now, I don't know much about the Final Fantasy series(having never played it myself) but I'm sure some of you wouldn't mind giving this one a shot.

Starcraft II, for PC

Release Date: TBA 2008. So technically not a release date...

It looks wonderful. Maybe if I suddenly find a few $50 notes on the floor I'll buy this.

Halo Wars, Xbox360

Whoops forgot the picture.

Release date: TBA 2008

insert piccy

Someone's finally done it: Halo as an RTS. Too bad it's for Xbox360 only. Imagine micromanagement with fumbly analog sticks. I'll wait for the PC version.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, Xbox360, PS3
Release date: TBA Summer 2008

The Force Unleashed is basically sex in Sci-Fi form. Serving as Darth Vader's lackey, you find yourself in control of the most massively immense force powers ever exhibited in the Star Wars universe. Hurl a gigantic Star Destroyer, pick up those poor stormtroopers and play with them like puppets. It's really what goes on in my mind when I'm daydreaming. Just that I'll have to wait for the PC version...

And if that wasn't enough for you, I'm going to give a short list of movies that are coming out this year. I'm not going to go into detail with any of them though. There are a lot. In fact, I'm just going to link you to a site with them in it! Here you go: Clicky!

Personally I'm looking forward to Iron Man, The Dark Knight, The Changeling, Jumper, The X-Files 2, and The Ruins. I'll probably miss Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and the second Chronicles of Narnia, since their predecessors sucked in the first place.

Well, there you go. Happy New Year to all. Don't get bored, stay happy, stay alive.

-Joe

I have one word: Donuts.

My brother had some practice activity going on at the Nativity, so my family went to Hougang to get our stuff for the new year. I got a new paper binder since my old one could easily pass off as the legendary Hobo's Paper Binder of Scrappiness. That was probably due to my stuffing it with a lot of papers and not bothering to empty it until it got too full to close. And also the fact that I kept fiddling with the edges, eventually causing the polymer to wear out. Well, not anymore! My new folder is made of an improved plastic material that does not wear out to reveal cardboard inside! Because there's none. Plus, it's Japanese. Like that makes any difference... Anyway, you can expect me to be less organised now that my file won't explode as quickly.

I walked into that friendly, familiar place we used to hang out at when we had nothing to do after school: Hougang Mall. One of the stalls at the entrance had been replaced by a donut shop. I thought, hey, why not? So I bought a box of 6.

That was an even bigger waste of money than that can of silicon spray I bought a few months ago. At least pressurised cans can do cool stuff. The donuts were small, and not really tasty. But the part that really grinds my gears was that they used powdered sugar.

Powdered sugar(or frosting) is this white little substance that could just as easily be flour. It's fine, it melts really quickly, and you can't taste it when you put it in your mouth. All you get is this powdery sensation on your tongue, which quickly turns into a layer of cement before washing down your throat. It's completely tasteless and does nothing but make it really easy for CSI to identify you.

I remember this occasion when my mother made donuts and we used frosting sugar for it. Same effect there, but that was somewhat obscured by how the donuts were fried and so they tasted really good anyways... My point is, the sugar frosting did nothing! Nothing at all. Powdered sugar is as useless as wearing goggles in a nuclear explosion.

People should stop using powdered sugar. Sure, it looks nice, but the crystals are so tiny and so few that they're practically tasteless. I even took an entire spoonful of powdered sugar once(don't tell my mom) and the results were sub-par. If I'm going to get some excess sugar related disease, I might as well get it while enjoying my food. Down with powdered sugar! Everyone, please switch to regular, granular sugar. The kind that looks like tiny little rocks. The kind that you put into your morning coffee/tea/essential liquid. Number one, it tastes so much more, and number two, they crunch when you bite into them. I personally find the crunching of sugar grains to be the most pleasurable part of eating anything with sugar on it.

So where can we find good donuts? BreadTalk! They've got these donuts that go for a dollar each, and they use regular, sweet, fabulous sugar. They also have white chocolate. I like that one.

The evening sky is beautiful. Funny how I never noticed. I can still see the clouds against the grey sky. Plus it just rained, so the air is nice. It reminds me of that documentary I watched about the extinction of the dinosaurs. Whoo.

Completely unrelated picture. Enjoy.


-Joe

Out of sheer boredom, I have created a nice little home experiment for all of you!



Set up apparatus as shown. That is all.

lol.

MEGA EDIT: I found a quiz on the Internet and I feel that everyone should try it so that they'll feel stupid when they don't know the answer. Ha. Ha. Ha.




I didn't know the names of the rock layers below the surface. Never read about it. I aced 8th grade science! Wheeeeeeeee!

Still I noticed that most of it is knowledge based. Stuff that you can't work out logically. You either know it, or you don't. I actually wouldn't call that science. It's more like... Science related general knowledge. Until you know how it works, empirically, it's not science.

Does anyone know how the education system in America work? What year do they start schooling? I read somewhere that 5th grade is about 11... So 8th grade is what, fourteen? They learn plate tectonics at that age? And under science? Gah. Maybe I'll learn next year when I take geography...

-Joe

Wait EDIT AGAIN!

"Eighth grade (called Grade 8 in some regions) is a year of education in America and many other nations. The eighth grade is the eighth school year after kindergarten. Students are usually 13–14 years old. Traditionally, eighth grade was the final year of elementary school."

According to Wikipedia.

Why is change so hard?

Because coins are made out of metal.

Ha. Ha ha. ha...

Yeah, but really. Why do you think so? I know, when we get into a particular routine, it just sticks. And the longer you do it, the more adhesive it gets. Such is especially true for my sleep cycle; I'm waking up at... Well, in the PM hours. And sleeping in the AM. Thanks to the holidays and the lack of obligations that come with them, I've been staying up late, watching episodes of Futurama, playing my games and trying to get faster on the cube. And then I go to bed and sleep till 12:30. And since I have um... 6 days before I go back to school, this is going to be a problem.

And my haircut. Oh man, I do not want to get a haircut. It took me three months to grow this out, and something tells me that each year, my hair gets thinner and thinner. Not for the first time, I'm questioning the logic of this rule. If you've been around me enough just skip to the next paragraph, since I'm just doing my usual "it makes no sense!" routine. It makes no sense! At all! I mean, come on. What's the point of making people like me chop their hair off every couple of months. I do not like my look in short hair, and after every haircut I spend the next three weeks checking the progress of my hair growth. By the time it's reached an acceptable length and texture, the school tells me to go cut it again. Well, that was my old school. I have no idea how the people from my new school are going to react. Perhaps they're more lenient, or maybe not. But the point is that the rule still exists over there. So, what's the point of the rule? Anyone care to tell me? Fringe can't touch eyebrows, sideburns can't pass the earhole, back above the collar. And let's not forget HAIR CAN'T TOUCH THE EARS. I mean, WHAT THE HELL? What is the freakin' point of that? In my attempt to reason with all things, the best explanation I can come up with is that a long time ago, it actually had a point, and the rule was continued, even after the "point" of it disappeared. Right now it's more like "We want all of you to look like inmates in a prison camp. Lol." Yay. Seriously, why not let us enjoy our hair while we still have it? We all know that by the time we're forty, most of us will be groaning every time we look at our hairlines. It doesn't make sense. It's a stupid rule. And so far no one's even managed to come up with a slightly logical argument against my point.

Oh great. I forgot what I actually wanted to say. So instead, I'll be giving everyone a few tips on how to cope with next year.

1) Improving your brainpower
Now, this is something that most of us would really want. We all want to do better at our schoolwork, courses, and whatever else we're planning on taking up. While there is no one method of boosting your psychic prowess, here are a few tactics I picked up from the Internet and library:

Relation
Whenever you're doing anything, relate it to numbers, science, stories. Whatever that's important for you. If you're out having lunch, grab the bill and add up the numbers mentally. If you're having a jog in the park, apply your knowledge of respiration on oxygen requirements. Maybe when you're having a conversation with someone, use a few quotes from your old literature textbook. Just things like that. If you can relate what you learn to what you actually see, it helps you remember stuff a lot better. When things are real, they matter.

Visual memory
We all wish we had eidetic memory, like Nikola Tesla, or Robert Langdon(he's not real, but yeah...). While we may never achieve such mental prowess as these people, it doesn't hurt to get closer to it. There are plenty of ways that supposedly improve your photographic memory. One of them is to simply practice. Open a drawer, stare at its contents for 30 seconds, then close the drawer. Take out a piece of paper, and write down the name of everything you remember seeing in it. Open the drawer again, and make a list of the things that you did not remember seeing. Repeat the process with various scenes. A shopping mall. A nice scenery. And if you're really enthusiastic about this, my desk. It's like... Wow. I really have to clear it before the new year.

Prime factors
This one is simple enough to understand, but not so simple to do. Whenever you're bored, look at a digital clock. Instead of just waiting for the minutes to tick by, challenge yourself. Every time the number changes, race to find all the prime factors of each number before the minute is up. If it's 3:30, you find the prime factors of 330... Yeah, just like that. I'm guessing most of us will get bored of doing this after the first 6 minutes and revert to our usual daydreaming.

But that isn't altogether bad, you know. Daydreaming actually does aid in creativity and the power of your imagination. While most of our daydreams consist of our fantasies and desires, there are also those that involve stories, plots, and adventures. Create a whole new world inside your head, pretend to be someone else. Someone powerful, someone beautiful, someone who can turn invisible and spy on people... Anything. Conjure up conversations, invent apocalyptic events and stop them in the spirit. The only drawbacks to this are that it takes up time you should be spending on your homework and can make you look like some kind of mentally challenged person, staring into space.

2)Energise yourself

Get enough sleep
This is especially important for keeping yourself going. Never for a moment think that you can go to bed at 3AM and wake up at 6. Sure, you can, but just... Don't. You'll wake up feeling really awful, find yourself titchy and fidgety. You'll spend the entire day zoned out. You'll still feel everything, see everything, but it'll all be wrong, unpleasant, and simply horrible. So yeah, please get the sleep you need. May be 7 hours, 9 hours, 12 hours(like me...) so unless you really have to, don't stay up on school nights.

I'm not exactly a physical person here so I can't recommend anything else.

3)Get a hobby
A real hobby. Playing video games doesn't count any more... It's more like some kind of addiction we have to feed. Try to take up something that doesn't involve pitting Solid Snake against Super Mario or your level 98 Paladin against the forces of hell. I personally enjoy sourcing for information and collecting movie themesongs. I'm still looking for the end credits of National Treasure. If you can't decide on anything, or know that you can't be bothered to go out of your way to pick up a hobby... Get a book. Or join a CCA that you like. All the matters is that it is something that you can do, have fun, and drop without withdrawal symptoms.

4)Don't do anything stupid
By that, I mean drugs, alcohol, watching all three Lord of the Rings movies plus the extras in one setting, running into a Star Trek convention and screaming “GET A LIFE, NERDS!”, doing religious propaganda, running with scissors, grab people's chests, eating snickers and having coke, saying “the AV guy is an idiot” while next to him, snapping your fingers to get your teacher's attention, mixing up “down the road not across the street”, jumping off an overhead bridge to see how far your brain flies when a bus hits you, doing kinky stuff in a public place, being a total asshole to your classmates, ignoring “Winners never quit, and quitters never win. But people who never win and never quit are idiots”, making promises involving loss of limbs/dignity, agreeing to be used as a demonstration dummy, getting married, having kids, having your kids having kids, having kids with your kid's kids, drugs, and alcohol.

I'm not sure how that one works but never mind.

Well, yeah. That's it for today. I'm going to install sonic emitters on my door to warn intruders. After which their very molecules will resonate with such a large amplitude that they themselves will be ripped to shreds.

-Joe

The sun, a great orange fireball, slowly descends below the horizon. But even as the flaming aurora fades, other more dazzling lights appear. Flashing in all the colours of the rainbow, ignoring American spelling... They shine out from doorsteps, radiate from plastic conifers, sparkling off the many silver bells and golden angels. Green, red and gold. In the doorway, enthusiastic people greet the relatives they waited all year to see. Grinning, winking, shaking hands. Some being more soft-spoken, shy away, but have the same warm glow in their hearts as everyone else. They step in, still exchanging Christmas gifts and flattering comments, though many of the latter were more for show than sincerity. It is only once everyone has settled in, taken a place on a poofy couch, or that nice old rocking chair, can one truly appreciate the variety of people in a family. The older ones, discussing their plans for the new year. The grown-up siblings, catching up on the years gone by. Perhaps a new business plan, or maybe someone won a lottery. Down on the beautifully embroidered carpet, small children squeal in delight as they re-acquaint themselves with the ones whom they played with a year ago. Maybe some teenagers, who pass snide comments about the family, enjoying a small inside joke. Perhaps noticing a humorous flaw in the decorations, or something... Suggestive looking. By now, parents are comparing grades, asking each other's children about school. Natural, of course. As the sky turns completely dark, and the only sounds are gentle Christmas tunes, somewhat clouded by the constant chatter and clinking of cutlery, one would realise: There's no time like Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas, Everyone! Yeah, "Everyone" with a capital E because people are supposed to be special... Or something.

It's that time of the year again. Done with the shopping, now going visiting. Those of us who celebrate Christmas would surely see this as a great opportunity to catch up with old friends and relatives, to get away from the hectic schedule of everyday life. Even if you don't, there's no doubt that you've noticed the festive cheer, and besides, New Year's around the corner, so why not?

Christmas can mean a lot of things to people. To some it's a time to go out and party, eat chips and drink. For others, it has a more religious connotation. For me... Well, it's just one of those "Oh damn I need to enjoy this last week before school" days. Plus the whole relatives thing. And the food. Can't forget the food. After all, it's the same every year. Template Christmas dinner: Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes/buttered rice, salad. Still, that doesn't stop it from tasting good.

This Christmas Eve, the traditional card games almost didn't happen. I was feeling dead tired and my brother was watching something on TV. It was only after he couldn't stand watching that mega acid trip(AKA The Polar Express) and I had decided that Christmas wasn't Christmas without a game of Bridge, did we get it underway. It was somewhat more subdued this time, though, since we were missing one important person, and one other person just wasn't in the mood. I guess having a smaller group makes it... Less fun. I shouldn't complain, but I couldn't help noticing that the laughs were becoming fewer and further between(lol improvising speech). Plus, everyone went home early this time. A few years back, we almost always stayed till midnight at least, for the traditional "Merry Christmas!" thing. But no. One family left before eleven, and the other just before the clock hit.

Christmas magic. It's all in your head, people. If you want to believe that Christmas is special, it will be. If you start thinking too much, everything just dulls down a lot. I wonder if anyone's ever thought about how the Christmas traditions came to be. Like an Evergreen tree, for example. Why that? And why hanging ornaments and lights on it? Most people assume that it's just for aesthetic purposes, but it can't be that simple. Every tradition we have today has been passed down and evolved from some ancient practice to what we're familiar with. To tell you the truth, I have no idea, either. However, I did stumble upon an article from cracked.com explaining some of it.

Why December the 25th? We all know that those Bible expert people have concluded that the birth of Jesus was actually sometime in March. I'm not going to bother reading through that whole book, so I'll take their word for it. Well, guess what? December 25th is right after a 7 day Pagan festival known as Saturnalia. It was a time when people celebrated the agricultural god, Saturn. It was also a time of merry making, public nudity, drunkenness, and stuffing of the stomach. Kind of like the Roman equivalent of "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." They did a lot of retarded things like switching roles of masters and slaves for a day. Why is this important? Because the Catholic Church would have undoubtedly wanted to distract the people from this week-long Pagan orgy. So, create a holiday on the 25th and claim it to be the birthday of Christ! How convenient.

Or, it could just be a nice date to put a holiday on.

What about those trees, you wonder. Well, believe it or not, this one has Norse mythology in it. Those Norse people, they were crazy. They would worship anything. Trees, mountains, rocks, pools, sticks that look like male genitalia. Well according to reliable(cough) history sources, there was a great oak tree that the vikings found and decided to call it Thor's Oak. They did a lot of stuff there, namely ritual sacrifice. Well one day, a Christian missionary now known as Saint Boniface came along and chopped Thor's Oak down with a sturdy hatchet. Apparently he wasn't really happy about people worshiping trees. According to Norse customs, that should actually make him the defeater of Thor, the god of thunder. But yeah... He's Christian, so he didn't accept the title. According to the reliable(ack!) history source, Saint Boniface noticed a small fir tree growing in the stump of the oak. Now here's the thing: The triangular shape of a fir tree is supposed to represent to holy trinity. Thus, any old-world Christian would immediately make the connection to his religion, and make it an integral part of an important tradition.

The part about decorating a tree... Well, that actually is just about aesthetics. Makes the room look nice, supposedly.

And you know that thing about kissing under the mistletoe? Well, that has some sick origin too. It was believed that the sticky goop that comes out from the berries was actually semen of the gods. It was a pagan thing. It's got Norse origins, too. Apparently, if two warriors were to meet under a mistletoe in the forest, they were to put down their weapons and make peace for the day. There was nothing about having sweaty viking make-out sessions in the text... But that doesn't mean they never happened.

So, leaving all of you disturbed with that last paragraph...


Good day, all. Have a happy holiday!

-Joe

It is completely impossible to find cube stuff in Singapore. I need new stickers. There isn't a vendor in this God forsaken land that even knows that replacement stickers exist. Vinyl stickers. They're like... Urban legends around here. It looks like I'm going to be stuck using cheap paper stickers that peel off after 3 weeks of cubing... For another 5 years or so, when I get a credit card and order online. Great, huh?

Yeah, and let's not forget the total absence of DIY cubes around here. Or proper lubrication. The 3-in-1 Silicon sprays just don't cut it for me. In fact, the cube feels worse after I'm done with it. I have no idea what speedcubers from Singapore use. I've been checking everywhere. The Internet, forums, stuff like that. Everyone is saying "Use heavy duty silicon spray, it works like a dream." People telling other people to use that thing that I use... And saying that it's really good? What am I doing wrong? It doesn't make any sense. My cube's been seasoned, nicely broken in, and cleaned thoroughly. But all that silicon spray does is make it squeak louder and more annoyingly. I gave up and dumped the can in the garage, and have been looking for something else ever since.

I actually considered getting that stuff that people use for... Non-industrial purposes... But that would really be a last resort.

Okay, never mind. I don't need new lube. I need new stickers. My cube is currently in ... not very nice condition, and I don't want to get a new one. The process of breaking a new cube in is just torturous. Need. New. Stickers.

I don't get it. Why even bother with stickers? Why not just paint the plastic right there? I believe humans do have such technology.

Or you know, maybe I'll just do that. Anyone know where I can get that kind of paint used for models and figurines? Probably art shops. Damn, if I had time.

Yay for a completely unproductive waste of time here. I'm going to clean out the excess vaseline from my cube. Again.

Gah.

2 days left to Christmas Eve. Bugger. Most people should think I'd be happy, but that would only be possible if I didn't look ahead and see the revolutionary change that is ahead of me. Oh man.

This week just flew right past. It's probably because I did a lot more things than usual. Went to a concert on Tuesday, a movie on Thursday and visited an old friend on Friday. With lots of Command & Conquer 3 and Splinter Cell in between. I've never had such a fun week. Lots of fulfilling conversations, and I even met up with someone I hadn't seen in maybe three years.

And then I woke up this morning. Afternoon, technically. The clock read 12:03 when I got out of bed. A sudden realisation hit me: Oh noezors. I have to go to school... in what, eight days? Holy crap. It's like a huge advancing glacier, unstoppable, save for global warming. Arrgghhh. The sense of peace I had all week(which is rare, really) just vanished like Flight 19 over the Atlantic. I suppose the only reason why I could have had that feeling in the first place was that I was resolutely ignoring the future.

Ack. I would really like to just put on my headphones and keep playing Splinter Cell right now. Meh. What am I going to do for Christmas. I'm just not looking forward to it this time. Might probably have to do with the recent prejudice I've grown against Christianity... Never mind. I'll just go through it like I always do.

Gaaah.

Yeah, and about the 30 second songs. imeem is being pressured by Universal Studios to stamp out copyright infringement. This means that imeem has to cut all songs to 30 second previews, until permission is given by the artist. Which is unlikely to happen for us since no one cares about symphonic music. Idiots. And even more retarded things is that the person who uploaded the song is the only one who can listen to the whole thing on imeem. Which, is extremely illogical and moronic. I mean, if someone already has the song on is PC, why would he need to upload it to listen to it? Isn't the whole point of social media to let other people listen to your songs? Imbeciles.



Santa died while delivering a pony. Sad.

-Joe

Meh the concert was dull. Sure, they played a couple of nice pieces, but they lacked emotion. It was really just another concert you go to because you have nothing better to do. Fancy tuba solo, and some nice Christmas tunes. But you sorta just sit there and let the music play, like I usually do when I want some ambience. So all in all, not really entertaining, not really impressive either. I could say it was a waste of money, but oh well. What would I have done if I hadn't gone, anyway?

It also took a chunk out of the time I wanted to spend playing Splinter Cell. So that's what I would have been doing. Playing Splinter Cell.

And the band seems to have some real haters out there. There was this group of people who basically spent the entire concert talking. Really loudly. In Idiot-Speak, too. I therefore concluded that they were a bunch of idiots who had a grudge against this band, and wanted to ruin the concert for them. Either that, or they were just idiots. Doesn't change the fact that they should kill themselves for the betterment of the human race.

Anyway, that was pretty much confirmed when the brasses made a really obvious mistake in part of Phantom of the Opera. They gave a loud, forced, row of laughter that rang through the hall. Golly. Thankfully, the band ignored this and kept playing.

Seriously, why would anyone waste 20 bucks and 3 hours on a concert, just to try to make things difficult for some people? I mean, why would anyone do this unless they were total asshats. With all the money they wasted on the concert... I could have bought myself a nice Christmas present.

I'll admit it. I bear grudges against people. I stay away from them, and refuse to do anything that might bring me in close quarters with them. It usually begins when someone does something that greatly wrongs me. Anything that particularly goes against my beliefs and morals. Could be an action, or a word. What they all have in common is that they all stem from some very illogical thinking. However, I find that it is not in my nature to hate. I can get angry, I often become frustrated. But I never dislike someone in- Oh wait. Damn. I actually am capable of hating. You'll often find me laughing out of spite at the mistakes of people I don't like. I would be wishing them ill fortune and mentally conjuring the most horrible fates they could suffer. And I'm not talking pain and death. I'm talking failure at life. And it's not difficult to imagine, either. Whenever I hear that these people come out of an exam with a shitty grade, or are being idiots in general, I have this sick, sadistic feeling of happiness; Only a bit more till they reach ultimate failure.

Another thing is, I don't feel bad about it at all. Whenever someone questions it, I just say "Do you believe in justice?" So far, no one's challenged me yet. But I expect sooner or later someone will come to me with "How about forgiveness?" Yeah, eventually, once I've forgotten about it. If I don't forget, I can't forgive. This is because the people I hold grudges against are constantly being idiots. You can't forgive someone for constantly being an idiot, because then you'd have to be constantly forgiving it. The only options are to ignore, or eliminate. I like eliminate better. It works permanently. But it's got that minor drawback of murder being illegal, so no deal.

That leaves me with somehow accepting without grinding my teeth, how many people are. I haven't been able to do this. Even if I present my point logically, that the world would be a better place to live in if people could stop being jackasses, I wouldn't get anywhere. It is simply easier for other people to be that way. It's easier to perform acts of asshattery than good deeds. And people, being the way they are, just go with the flow.

The moral compass can only point you in the right direction. It can't make you follow it.

-Gil Grissom, CSI: Las Vegas

I also want to add that I love CSI. Lol.

You can't change the world. Not without becoming Hitler. The state of society can never go up. We have turned our graph to emulate gravity. As more people get lazier, more people choose the easy way out. Being a dick, basically. You may think that we have less wars now, but that's a delusion held by many modern citizens. War doesn't always need a fleet of warships, or a battery of armoured tanks. War does not necessarily mean ranks upon ranks of men, fighting for their country, making others die for theirs. War is when people turn themselves upon one another, fighting for needless reasons. The causes of war are all retarded, because no situation can't be solved without violence. All you need is understanding and patience.

I try, you know. I really do. But some people just insist on starting wars. Call it a social complex. Blame it on bad upbringing. Whatever. I'm just saying, I didn't start it. And it's also not my responsibility to end it. I now have a slight case of misanthropy. That means that I dislike humanity in general, for its many flaws. I already know that some people who read this are going to try their best to state why the human race is worth loving. Go ahead. I'd like to read them. Because sometimes you need a point of view that isn't in line with that of a maniacal dictator. I don't want to destroy or dominate the human race. I want them to stop being assholes to each other.

So, be nice to people. If people aren't nice to you... Don't follow in my footsteps. I spend a lot of time imagining myself torturing someone with lightning bolts. It's probably not very good for my health, so whatever you do... try not to do that.

Yeah, and Shaun, I have advice for you.


That is all. Thank you.

-Joe

Does anyone remember the episode when I was complaining about wasting 30 dollars on Splinter Cell? Well, it turns out, not anymore! I went shopping for a new DVD drive, since I suspected that my old one was a piece of crap. It is.

Anyway, installing the new gadget presented a logical paradox. In order for the DVD drive to work, I need to install a program from a CD. If my CD drive didn't work, how was I supposed to do that? Thankfully, my old CD drive wasn't completely bad, and I could still use it. Still, that doesn't stop me from wondering if that option wasn't available. Sure there has to be some measure against that.

So now Splinter Cell works, and I have gained some experience with the opening up a computer. I'm going to be doing some infiltrating tonight...

I forgot what I actually wanted to talk about. Whoops.

So I guess I'll just give the mandatory picture and sign off. To put on some 3-eyed green nightvision goggles... Sneak up on someone and...

Too true. I ate some coffee cake that my mom made today. Apparently, she used real coffee. Real coffee has real caffeine. And now I can't sleep till I'm dead. Great.

You know, sometimes I wonder. I dislike the taste of pretty much every alcoholic beverage out there. Beer, wine, whatever. They all smell weird to me and make me cringe. People say that it takes some getting used to, but honestly, why bother? Why would anyone want to get used to something that is ultimately bad for your health? Wouldn't it be easier to just... Not get used to it, and stay alcohol-free?

But for some reason, people do still want to drink. I've always said that I'd take a soda over an alcoholic beverage, and knowing myself(not really liking to try new things) it's probably going to stay that way for a while. The thing is, what if my friends take up drinking when we're adults? While my brain is trying to figure out why, I'm going to be left out. You can't order Ice Cream Soda at a bar. And when people are out drinking wine or whatever, I'm having vanilla coke. And then everyone else gets all tipsy while I'm overcharged on sugar and caffeine. It just doesn't sound right.

And erm, I would really appreciate it if people left a comment in the tag box a little more often? I know people are reading, but it just feels empty. I write for my readers, and I need to know what my readers like to read.

Oh, yes, and Leonard, if you're reading this, hope you feel alright. Daniel told me about your allergic reaction incident. If you're not dead yet, you shouldn't die any time soon. Most often, fatal allergic reactions occur when there is massive inflammation of the nasal passages, obstructing the flow of air, and thus suffocating the person. This usually occurs within minutes of allergen administration.

On the assumption that we all remain in the world of the living, I'm signing off with a comic from Cyanide & Happiness.


Yeah and about the cube thing... I'm actually serious, you know. Please?

-Joe

Golly. I've been having the weirdest dreams ever. They're all related to my hair, for some reason. First one was a while ago, involving me having gotten a really short haircut. Second one involved premature greyness. And then something about balding. And I'm going Holy Crap. I think I have some really bad underlying vanity issues about my hair.

Anyway, I've realised how we can beat the energy crisis. Or at least lessen its severity.

We use gyms. The ones where people go just to work out, run on a treadmill. Why don't we use the kinetic energy they produce, to provide energy? It might even be enough to power the gym itself, helping us cut down on the energy feed to the thousands of exercise facilities.

The idea is that if people are just leveling up their physical stats, I mean, exercising, they're basically wasting the energy that they're burning from the foods which they consume. So if we simply install dynamos into every treadmill... We can effectively convert a sizable proportion of what would have been wasted energy, into electrical energy!

When I asked one of my primary school friends about this, he mentioned something about people not being able to produce that much electricity in a short time. I'm not entirely sure of the exact amount of energy that could be produced by a human running on a treadmill, but I'm sure it'd be enough to power some fluorescent tubes. Even if we wanted to extend the power generation to the more energy consuming appliances(Like Air-Conditioning), we could just put a requirement on how long a person has to use the gym facilities before he leaves.

On that phone conversation, I said "well we'll just keep them in for six hours or something." To which he responded "Then they'll die of exhaustion!"

So I came back to my original idea for solving the energy crisis: Burn their corpses as fuel.

Come on, it makes perfect sense. If Man really wants to aim for maximum energy recycling, we're going to have to start recycling ourselves.

... This brings me to another idea involving suicide booths. There are a lot of people trying to die out there... So we could make some money out of it if we wanted to. In the cartoon series Futurama, a company named Stop & Drop made a whole bunch of these cubicles on the streets of New New York. That's the new... New York. Well, these things could really provide us with a ready supply of cadavers to use as fuel. Not only would we have less people to consume energy, we would also have more people to provide us with energy. Brilliant!

Okay, okay. Here's one that doesn't involve killing people. In the near future, we'll be able to build cryogenic sleep chambers. They would be these tubey thingies that drop your body temperature so low, that you fall into cryogenic sleep. In this state you would not need to eat or drink. Your body is essentially a statue.

With a small maintenance crew to ensure that the sleep process doesn't go wrong, we could remain in this state for millions of years, until our fossil fuel sources are replenished.

Where are we going to get the energy to do this in the first place...? Good question. I don't know yet, but it will probably involve maximising our stored energy first...

And behold, the Solar Flashlight!


-Joe

It feels like much of my writing is going unread... For some reason. Like people are just too busy to read about some kid's crazy schemes and whatever else. Maybe people are too busy with their jobs. Or maybe they're too caught up with some game they're on. Maybe they've already moved on. It's starting to feel a little pointless. Who am I writing to, and what for? It's English Situational Composition all over again. Write to an imaginary character who happens to be part of your imaginary family about an imaginary job appointment and plenty of imaginary "thank you"'s. Imaginary.

Sometimes I think I'm just deluding myself. Thinking that what I like really matters. Does anything really matter? Do my video games matter, or my favorite TV shows? How about my friends and family. They're supposed to matter. But then, they're all just... Matter. Static energy. Little packets of energy. Condensed. Why do human beings form emotional attachments to people, to things? What made it so important for us to have social contact? A person, isolated for many years, loses his mind. A person born in isolation, never having had real human contact, also becomes... Less human. So maybe I'm not deluding myself. Maybe things really do matter. What makes it so, could be entirely biological. But every time you take science into consideration, you destroy any real meaning in life. Life becomes pointless. We were once all drones, working to establish our species as the top, most successful organism to livm on planet Terra. Now, we work to keep that position. We stage the most one-sided fights against every other animal. It sounds almost inhumane, but that's what you get when you decide not to throw logic out of the window.

If ultimately, everything just exists for the sake of existing, why bother? This, of course, is where people subscribe to the paranormal. Trying to believe in a supernatural force that guides us all. It makes no sense to do something just because it can be done.

Oh, yes. But there's something else. Emotions. Real emotions. We have not yet established what level of brain development is required for an organism to experience these, but that's beside the point. Humans, evidently, are subjected to these things. As of now, we don't know why. But we have a much higher chance of learning to deal with them, rather than trying to understand them first. Psychology isn't hard science. There is no empirical evidence. No real proof. Just phenotypical evidence. We'll have to settle for that, right now.

Much of what we do is related to our emotions. We are, in a sense, dealing with our emotions by doing things. Most of us have a certain 'default' emotion. That's when we're not feeling anything in particular. Some people are bored in this state, or perhaps at peace. Those who are bored find it imperative to change this emotion, to experience something new. To do this, they decide on an activity and follow it through. The entire purpose of this, is to escape their default emotion. When people say "I love my job", you are seeing this escape in progress. They choose to become postmen, or chemists, or musicians, because it brings them out of their default state, to something closer to "happy".

Alright. I've found my answer. The reason people do things, is to be happy. So maybe it doesn't matter if no one reads this. I found my own discussion... Entertaining. Yeah, I'm just weird like that.

Now, since this was supposed to be a more... serious... type of post, I'm not going to put up a picture. Instead, how about a quote?


Man is a creature of hope and invention, both of which belie the idea that things cannot be changed.

Tom Clancy

I also see that Shaun has given us all some snow! Yet the effect of silent flakes falling makes it look sort of gloomy.

Well, that's it for now. Somehow I'll snap out if this not-happy state and become happy. Cheers.

-JoeΘ

Well guess what?


Wheee.

Now all I have to do is endure the negative comments of my family. More specifically, my brother and mother.

I get it, my mom wants me to go to a catholic school. Too bad, I don't want to. My brother just has to comment on everything, so whatever. I just feel like if I don't go to the best school I can now, I would pretty much lose the opportunity to finally choose the actual best I can do.

I don't know Shaun's posting as of now, since he's not responding to my messages. Busy doing... Something.

Oh waiit! he just responded. Catholic Junior College. Hm. Fortunate for him.

As it turns out, I'm not going alone. A relief.

On the upside, Anderson is a lot closer to my home than any of the others... I could pretty much walk there if I wanted to. Would just take really long. And rather convenient access to a train station... Close to the library, too.

On the down... It's very close to my home. Contradiction, much? Yeah, this is going to mean that I'll basically not have a new environment to explore. Previously, I had Hougang. Now it almost looks normal to me. But right here? Come on. No exploring for me this time, I guess. Sorta disappointing, but I doubt it really matters.


Okay, I need everyone to help me with something. Go to that little iMeem player on the left, and see if it loads the whole song for you. After Shaun uploaded the Christmas tunes, I found that it only played up to 30 seconds. The problem sorta fixed itself after a while... But it's back. I'm only getting 30 seconds again. If anyone else is having these problems, we'll do our best not to fret and go "aarrghh technical difficulties!" because we have no idea how to fix it. However... If anyone does, then it would do us all some good if your could lend a hand.

Or maybe the Internet is angry at me. Like "Stop staring at me all day!" angry.

Anyway... I can't think of anything else right now, except for that the National Geographic article on dinosaurs was interesting. I already knew most of it... But somehow it's interesting to read over and over again.



Yeah, I love how netizens can basically turn anything into a motivational poster. That doesn't motivate you.

-Joe

EDIT: I found out why we're only getting 30 second songs, but Shaun isn't. That's because he's the one who uploaded them. There's some imeem policy that basically says that unless a song has been approved, very approved by the publisher, it'll be cut to 30 seconds. Only the one who uploaded the song in the first place will get to hear the full version. Which is a retarded logic all in itself. The entire point of uploading songs is to let other people listen to them. Cutting it to 30 seconds for everyone other than the uploader is simply moronic. The uploader doesn't need to use a web service to listen to his songs, so why bother?

...

Apparently, imeem is being sued by a bunch of recording and publishing firms. Which would explain why they're cutting the songs to 30 second previews. We can't really do anything about this. I know it sucks to listen to something, then find that it cuts off not even halfway into it. So maybe we'll switch back to the old tunes and let Christmas be ignored by this blog. Can't even get some music for it...

Yeeaaah.... I just completed Hellgate on my evoker. The final boss, who's design was evidently inspired at least partially by Davy Jones, was way too easy to kill. I guess the fight would have been a whole lot more exhilarating if my framerate didn't keep killing itself every time I casted that big lightning thingy. I could barely see what was going on. I just kept spamming my spells and next thing you know, he's dead and I'm watching the last cutscene.

Oh well. At least I can advance to Nightmare now.

Over my trip to Shanghai... And idea popped into my head. Out of sheer boredom. My old Rubik's cube's stickers were wearing out and peeling. Horrible quality. I thought, hey, since I've got two cubes, why not turn one into a Pic-cube? That's a Rubik's Cube, with pictures on each face instead of plain colours.

Now, I am faced with a few problems. One, what pictures should I choose? I'm sorta leaning towards dedicating this one to our class. You know, put our crest on the top, and maybe some of the better photos on the sides. Problem is, I don't have any in my possession. I'm sure someone out there has some.

Either that, or maybe I want to let people make requests for what pictures they want on the cube. As of now, there are 5 slots for pictures(since I can't figure out how to orient the last one properly). However, you can still ask me to put something in the sixth slot if you don't mind it having the centre wrongly rotated half the time. And I'll probably figure out how to do it eventually, anyway.

So, yeah. If you're interested in seeing your face or whatever on the cube, send me your picture. Please note that it's got to be square. If it's not square, I'll have to either resize or cut it.

Second problem is related to the process. I can probably use my printer and some blank photo paper to get the pictures out. What I'm not too sure on is how I'm going to stick them to the cube. I don't exactly have any industrial strength glue. Well, not that I know of, anyway. If anyone's got any recommendations, feel free.

A big part of the reason I'm planning to do this... Is that I've never actually undertaken a project by myself. I've always wanted to do something, then be able to say "I wrote that." or "I built that" when people saw it. Well, this is going to be my first attempt.

Wheeee...


Yeaah. And YouTube won't load for me for some reason. I'll wait till tomorrow... or maybe later today, to post a small video compilation. Best Internet videos of 2007.




Anyone ever played Q-Bert before? Interesting game.

-Joe

MEGA EDIT!!!! Apparently, Youtube decided not to bitch at me anymore. So here's the list!

1. Wake Up Cat

Meow.

2. Is Europe a Country?

Yeah, I'm sure the capital is France isn't Paris...

3. Miss South Carolina Answering a Question

She just goes on...and on... and on...

4.The Potter Puppet Pals in Wizard Angst

Yeah... the guy didn't censor the first F*** properly.

5. Clippy from Microsoft Word

Use Open Office, guys!

6. Inflatable You- Tim Minchin

People can come up with the weirdest songs.

7. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire... Differently...

"..No, I didn't enter."

8. Jay Leno's Headlines

Yeah it's time to laugh at people again.

9. Probably not this year's... But it deserves a repost!


Well, I can't be bothered to look up any more.

-Joe

-Joe

Ah, well.

Take-off

So, there I am, at the airport. Not exactly fascinating. I've seen it quite recently... So nothing to go on about.

The flight was interesting, though. Guess what? I watched Ratatouille for the in-flight movie. I didn't catch all of it, because there were some technical difficulties on the plane. However, I did manage to see enough to get the gist of the movie.

It was a nice animated feature. Normally I watch what I call “Talking Animal Movies” and yawn and sigh and have the word “lame” going through my mind the whole time. What I found out was that Ratatouille didn't get a 5-star rating for nothing. The quality of animation is really astounding. The movements may have been exaggerated, but it added to the whole effect of the movie. The script was excellent, and was excellently delivered. It took me on a journey... A voyage, whatever. I'm trying to sound cultured here. Food critics were never really an interesting read for me. Normally I'd see the foodie section in the paper and go “meh” because... I like simple meals. Anyway, when you watch Ratatouille, you sort of learn how it feels to be a chef, what really goes through one's mind when he is trying to cook. I actually enjoy cooking, but it's usually some hashed together thing with enough pepper to drown out any other tastes that might be bad.

OGM SPOILER

The entire movie is about a rat by the name of Rémy. Yeah, reference to The Da Vinci Code. Instead of following the ways of the rest of his fellow rodents(We're rats. We don't leave the nest, we make it bigger.) he wants to make it in the real world. Once you ignore the impossibility of a rat being able to cook, the shock of seeing him puppeteering that fellow, and the shortness of the head chef, you can actually understand and follow the story very well. Basically, Rémy wants to become a chef. After some incident involving a shotgun and some calamity thing with the rat colony(I didn't see that part because the screen went all fuzzy), he finds himself alone and believes himself to be the only survivor. Then, a hallucination of some great chef whom he got his inspiration from appears, and guides him through the sewers to the surface. He finds himself in Paris, right next to this great chef's restaurant. Apparently, he's already dead(the chef). Inside the restaurant, a boy by the name of Linguini(sounds like pasta, yeah) is trying to get a job on the grounds that he is the son of this great chef dude. To make a long story short, he becomes a garbage boy, tries to cook, and ends up finding Rémy. Who is amazingly able to cook some really good soup. Ordered to kill the rat, the boy brings it to the bridge, and discovers that it understands him. So, they make make an agreement involving getting the rat to help him cook. You see, Linguini isn't very talented, but the rat isn't human. So they need each other. Eventually, they figure out a system to do this involving pulling on the guy's hair like a control panel. A bunch of stuff happens along the way and they find themselves in a crisis when some betrayal and stuff happens. Conveniently, of course.

Well, in the end the restaurant is shut down because of the presence of rats, but they start another one and everyone is happy. Yes, it's a happy ending.

Until you realise that rats only live for... About three years. Or less.



After that I tried watching Superbad. Problem was, that there wasn't enough time. Hardly got quarter way into the movie.

When I got out of the plane, the first thing I thought was “Oh yeah, travelators! That means they know what electricity is.” Which, is a good thing, of course.

It wasn't as cold as I thought it would be. Chilly when the wind blows, otherwise it's just nice.

The next day, we decided to head over to this bridge place known as The Bund. Supposedly, it was a popular tourist destination. One of those “must see” places in Shanghai. So I thought, fine. Let's go see it.

And I tell you, the taxi ride there was totally a re-enactment of Grand Theft Auto. Mad Cab. Whatever you like. Something out of a Bond movie, with a whole lot more “I'M DRIVING HERE”. The drivers in Shanghai are ruthless killers. The road is their domain like the Jungle is to a lion. Come to that, lions don't actually live in the jungle. Whoever started that rumour ought to be shot. My point is, motorists in Shanghai just hit the gas pedal and fly through the streets. There is no such thing as “slowing down” or “giving way” over there. When we stopped next to The Bund, the air was filled with the blaring of... I don't know, seven horns? Instantly, an entire contingent of cars behind us sounded their trumpets like we were trying to say “The area of a circle is Pi R Squared” in sign language, and they were in a hurry for free donuts at the office.

I mean, really. Is it that hard to wait for... Fifteen seconds or so?

Apparently it is, since the entire week we stayed there, we got to witness the whole “survival of the fittest” thing every time we took to the roads. I actually thought it was leaning more towards the “survival of the assholiness” thing. Seriously, I have never seen such pressing and dangerous driving, ever.

Well, it was fine while we were in the taxi, since the driver probably knew all about it and how not to turn into a pile of burning scrap. However, it became completely different when we were out of the safety of a metal vehicle. Crossing the road, an inevitability. For those intending to visit Shanghai in the near future... Or maybe, ever at all, please do not attempt to cross the roads at rush hour. It is really like playing Frogger, where you only have one life and the blood splatter is a whole lot more realistic than on that little 32-bit screen. I was never very good at Frogger, so I persuaded my parents(thankfully, with support from my dad) to use proper road-crossing facilities. Thing is, the pedestrian crossings aren't that much safer. Drivers there have this general rule: If there isn't anyone(a pedestrian) there, the lights don't matter. If there is someone there, go around him. I guess that's really the way things go.

And can you believe they wanted to call it “Highway-Crossing Frog?”

Go look up the MTV parody of The Matrix.

So, I logged out of Frogger and to a step onto the escarpment. A wide expanse of concrete, over...A length... metres long, on the edge of the river. I forgot its name. It was in Chinese. I don't remember Chinese names very well. I'm sure I have it somewhere in my head... But I can't really be bothered to look it up.

I experienced many things in rapid succession. First, I was astounded by the great number of people, both tourists and locals, on the concrete platform. Second, I was disgusted by the growing amount of spit on the ground. Third, I was getting lung cancer from the copious amounts of cigarette fumes in the air. Once I got over the lung cancer, I noticed that every eight metres or so, there would be someone with a little cardboard box, trying to sell cute little toys. There were these mice on a string that jumped around, and some jelly blob that produced a very nice splatter when thrown onto the ground. Being me, I was somewhat fascinated by these things, but was quickly turned off by the realisation that these were illegal peddlers. Still, the scene of small coloured clockwork toys on the ground, and brilliantly shaded kites in the air, gave the place a kind of atmosphere that was hard to place. Could either have been screaming “tourist trap!” or “You're on holiday!”. Probably a little of both, but I'm leaning more to the gimmick...

Now, disappointment. There was supposed to be a great view of the city skyline on the other side of the river. There was no great view. It probably would have been awesome, if it weren't for the great amount of smoke and dust hovering over the city. Shanghai was recently ranked as one of the most polluted cities in the world. I got to see just how polluted it was. It was almost as bad as that time back here in Singapore when the haze was killing everyone. In fact, maybe worse... But the way the cold air numbs you, it's less noticeable. Anyway, the city scape on the other side was shrouded in smog and haze, and I could hardly make out the famous pearl-shaped structures.

And then, a sudden realisation! This place... was the very place that a certain game I'd played a while ago modelled its Shanghai landscape from. I don't play any more(The community is just utter bullshit) but still, nice to see something that you first discovered in fiction, now in real life.

Look, some European-looking buildings.


Taking a walk through down The Bund was an experience all in itself. Sadly, it wasn't exactly a good one. The previously mentioned illegal peddlers would constantly call out to you. Until a policeman in a buggy came driving in, sirens wailing. All those people suddenly scooped their stuff off the floor, and disappeared. I swear, they've all been hacking The Matrix. One of the less fascinating set of encounters would have been the ones where some old person would come up to you with a single coin in hand, asking for cash. I have proof that we live in some sort of Matrix now. All of these people look exactly the same! It's like someone designed them, but didn't bother to add distinguishing features. They all appear the same age, have straggly, unkempt hair and what looks like soot on their faces. Their clothes are generally dull, earthy colours... except for the scarf, which is usually rainbow-striped, or is actually a towel. I mean, seriously. They all look like the same person. Clones. Just like in Splinter Cell... Sorry about the game references >.<>

The redeeming feature... would be the night scene. Yes, the lights were bright enough to pierce the fog.



Yeah and then there were temples... and caves... and stuff... and temples...


That one is supposed to resemble the Chinese character for "heart". There's a story behind it, but I forgot what it was. Had to do with couples who do something with the tree being able to read each other's minds.




Later on, came across some sort of teahouse. It was really the first thing that I enjoyed over there; it was warm.They had this lady to teach us about different types of tea, how they're prepared and the proper way to drink them. Interesting enough for me, yes. Predictably, my mom bought about seven tonnes of tea leaves over the entire trip.

Curiously, the food in Shanghai seems very limited. There is maybe one type of noodles, and they prefer to serve only pork or beef. Wasn't much variety in the greens, either. Though I didn't pay much attention to that. Their chickens were the most underfed, scrawny, abominations of poultry I had ever seen. Simply put, they're not big on chicken. Unfortunately, I do not possess the ability of chicken-genesis... which is to produce chicken out of nothing. Sort of like alchemy, but with chickens. So yeah... beef or pork for me. Might even have eaten some other unknown animal, because some of the meats tasted nothing like beef or pork.

I'm hinting at man's best friend here. I'm serious, look at this photo.

That's “Dog Meat” for anyone who doesn't understand Chinese.

The next day, and actually for another couple of days... we visited these big gardens. They were supposedly built during the imperial times, and maintained for tourists and the like today. At first it was pretty impressive. The architecture was in good taste, and the scenery was pretty enough. There would be these ponds with dozens of carp swimming around. Trees that were supposedly centuries old. The sculptures were also nicely done, though they stood out to me for other reasons. Look, I think I know where John McTierman got the original design for Predator from.


And there were also these big dragon things... Here's the head. The body and tail continues all the way on the top of the walls.


...And traditional Chinese Medicine places. Look what they've got here.

Funnily enough, I was reminded of a sick little memorisation technique we used to have which involved turning stuff involved in reproduction into foods. Placenta soup. I always had the suspicion that it did exist, but oh well. Here's the confirmation.

And some reptiles for happiness...


Later on, some physician lady gave us a diagnosis of some problems we might be having by feeling our pulse. And predictably, she said I was thin. Supposedly, it's some kind of absorption issue. They managed to convince my mom into buying some pills that were supposed to improve our health in various ways.
But you know, the sceptic in me was just bursting to openly oppose this decision. I mean, okay, she predicted hypertension. That's not an uncommon problem in older people. She mentioned me not having a too good of a diet. Now how many teenagers do you know that have a great, healthy diet? I mean honestly, these diagnoses weren't exactly difficult to come up with. I could have done it.

Ah whatever.

So we also visited some city gate...with cannons... and catapults... and rocks made of polystyrene...


One other thing to look out for would be these bonsai gardens. Bonsai refers to “miniature”. Something I learnt from a Heroes interview. Anyway, these bonsai gardens are just full of these plants, that were sculpted and grown to resemble aged trees. Here's a pic...


And not only were there miniature trees, but also miniature mountains. According to our guide, the people who build these things would go paint a picture of the mountain, then hack a rock into a similar shape.

Interesting, yes, but if you've seen one, you've seen them all. Chinese gardens all look the same.

Ah, but here's something to break the monotony! You know, sometimes I feel bad when I'm laughing at someone else's grammatical skills, but I get over it pretty quickly.

Non-recyclable, obviously, but still...


Uh Huh...


Yeah, because I would really want to jump into a pile of grass.


They should really get an editor.


Now who the hell would name their company LameX?


Mmm... Baby silk. I hope they don't kill too many of them, though.

If there's one place that you really should visit, it would be this place... somewhere... It's called Xin Tian Di or whatever, and it's basically a sort of food central. Plenty of nice restaurants there. We had some Brazilian stuff for lunch on the Friday before our departure. Real beef, not the it-could-be some-sort-of-fish beef.

If there's something that really bugs me about the place... it would be the people. I'm willing to bet that less than half of them know the meaning of “Shut Up.” They talk impossibly loudly, and a group of three of them can just fill an entire room as well as a kid with a drumkit. I felt like Sylar after he obtained Enhanced Hearing. Head pounding, with an amazingly strong urge to get up and scream “SHUT UP godamnnit.” I have no idea how people can talk so loud, so fast, and so annoyingly.

Plus, they don't exactly Victorian manners either. Push almost always comes to shove, and if you're not assertive enough, they'll just run you over. I kept choreographing scenes where I was torturing some particularly idiotic looking punk who had just bumped into me for no reason.

Also... You know how I said that the roads were dangerous? I forgot to mention that the side walks are pretty hazardous as well. There would be these motorcyclists who would zoom up the ramps onto the side walks, and just run right by you, grazing your jacket. Not only is it really loud and does it leave a lingering stench of gasoline behind, it's also really annoying. I mean, I get annoyed at how little they care about other's safety.


All said and done, I'm glad to be back here in Singapore. We live in undoubtedly the most high-tech and developed country in our Asia. With the exception of Japan, perhaps. But my point, is our standards of service are so much higher. Coming back, I think I probably get less annoyed at our... local... idiots than before.

However, I'll miss not having to sweat for an entire week. Other than weird policies and the hot weather, we live in a great place.

Well, that's about it for my trip. Sorry if it was a little too negative for your liking, it's just how I feel.

Oh yeah, and I was doing a lot of cubing during my free time. I wanted to list out all the Fridrich F2L algorithms, but there were just too many. I think my method is fine. I've gotten my time down to below 75 seconds. Clap clap clap. I wondered what I looked like when I was cubing, so I video taped(what's the past tense of video?) myself and... well, here it is!


I think you need Quicktime to view it. I can't be bothered to change the formats right now because it's 5am. I haven't slept yet. I was too busy playing The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Yeah, the original one on SNES. I tried it on the flight home and I'm addicted now.

Oh well. hope that didn't overload the system.

-Joe