Take-off
So, there I am, at the airport. Not exactly fascinating. I've seen it quite recently... So nothing to go on about.
The flight was interesting, though. Guess what? I watched Ratatouille for the in-flight movie. I didn't catch all of it, because there were some technical difficulties on the plane. However, I did manage to see enough to get the gist of the movie.
It was a nice animated feature. Normally I watch what I call “Talking Animal Movies” and yawn and sigh and have the word “lame” going through my mind the whole time. What I found out was that Ratatouille didn't get a 5-star rating for nothing. The quality of animation is really astounding. The movements may have been exaggerated, but it added to the whole effect of the movie. The script was excellent, and was excellently delivered. It took me on a journey... A voyage, whatever. I'm trying to sound cultured here. Food critics were never really an interesting read for me. Normally I'd see the foodie section in the paper and go “meh” because... I like simple meals. Anyway, when you watch Ratatouille, you sort of learn how it feels to be a chef, what really goes through one's mind when he is trying to cook. I actually enjoy cooking, but it's usually some hashed together thing with enough pepper to drown out any other tastes that might be bad.
OGM SPOILER
The entire movie is about a rat by the name of Rémy. Yeah, reference to The Da Vinci Code. Instead of following the ways of the rest of his fellow rodents(We're rats. We don't leave the nest, we make it bigger.) he wants to make it in the real world. Once you ignore the impossibility of a rat being able to cook, the shock of seeing him puppeteering that fellow, and the shortness of the head chef, you can actually understand and follow the story very well. Basically, Rémy wants to become a chef. After some incident involving a shotgun and some calamity thing with the rat colony(I didn't see that part because the screen went all fuzzy), he finds himself alone and believes himself to be the only survivor. Then, a hallucination of some great chef whom he got his inspiration from appears, and guides him through the sewers to the surface. He finds himself in Paris, right next to this great chef's restaurant. Apparently, he's already dead(the chef). Inside the restaurant, a boy by the name of Linguini(sounds like pasta, yeah) is trying to get a job on the grounds that he is the son of this great chef dude. To make a long story short, he becomes a garbage boy, tries to cook, and ends up finding Rémy. Who is amazingly able to cook some really good soup. Ordered to kill the rat, the boy brings it to the bridge, and discovers that it understands him. So, they make make an agreement involving getting the rat to help him cook. You see, Linguini isn't very talented, but the rat isn't human. So they need each other. Eventually, they figure out a system to do this involving pulling on the guy's hair like a control panel. A bunch of stuff happens along the way and they find themselves in a crisis when some betrayal and stuff happens. Conveniently, of course.
Well, in the end the restaurant is shut down because of the presence of rats, but they start another one and everyone is happy. Yes, it's a happy ending.
Until you realise that rats only live for... About three years. Or less.
After that I tried watching Superbad. Problem was, that there wasn't enough time. Hardly got quarter way into the movie.
When I got out of the plane, the first thing I thought was “Oh yeah, travelators! That means they know what electricity is.” Which, is a good thing, of course.
It wasn't as cold as I thought it would be. Chilly when the wind blows, otherwise it's just nice.
The next day, we decided to head over to this bridge place known as The Bund. Supposedly, it was a popular tourist destination. One of those “must see” places in Shanghai. So I thought, fine. Let's go see it.
And I tell you, the taxi ride there was totally a re-enactment of Grand Theft Auto. Mad Cab. Whatever you like. Something out of a Bond movie, with a whole lot more “I'M DRIVING HERE”. The drivers in Shanghai are ruthless killers. The road is their domain like the Jungle is to a lion. Come to that, lions don't actually live in the jungle. Whoever started that rumour ought to be shot. My point is, motorists in Shanghai just hit the gas pedal and fly through the streets. There is no such thing as “slowing down” or “giving way” over there. When we stopped next to The Bund, the air was filled with the blaring of... I don't know, seven horns? Instantly, an entire contingent of cars behind us sounded their trumpets like we were trying to say “The area of a circle is Pi R Squared” in sign language, and they were in a hurry for free donuts at the office.
I mean, really. Is it that hard to wait for... Fifteen seconds or so?
Apparently it is, since the entire week we stayed there, we got to witness the whole “survival of the fittest” thing every time we took to the roads. I actually thought it was leaning more towards the “survival of the assholiness” thing. Seriously, I have never seen such pressing and dangerous driving, ever.
Well, it was fine while we were in the taxi, since the driver probably knew all about it and how not to turn into a pile of burning scrap. However, it became completely different when we were out of the safety of a metal vehicle. Crossing the road, an inevitability. For those intending to visit Shanghai in the near future... Or maybe, ever at all, please do not attempt to cross the roads at rush hour. It is really like playing Frogger, where you only have one life and the blood splatter is a whole lot more realistic than on that little 32-bit screen. I was never very good at Frogger, so I persuaded my parents(thankfully, with support from my dad) to use proper road-crossing facilities. Thing is, the pedestrian crossings aren't that much safer. Drivers there have this general rule: If there isn't anyone(a pedestrian) there, the lights don't matter. If there is someone there, go around him. I guess that's really the way things go.
And can you believe they wanted to call it “Highway-Crossing Frog?”
Go look up the MTV parody of The Matrix.
So, I logged out of Frogger and to a step onto the escarpment. A wide expanse of concrete, over...A length... metres long, on the edge of the river. I forgot its name. It was in Chinese. I don't remember Chinese names very well. I'm sure I have it somewhere in my head... But I can't really be bothered to look it up.
I experienced many things in rapid succession. First, I was astounded by the great number of people, both tourists and locals, on the concrete platform. Second, I was disgusted by the growing amount of spit on the ground. Third, I was getting lung cancer from the copious amounts of cigarette fumes in the air. Once I got over the lung cancer, I noticed that every eight metres or so, there would be someone with a little cardboard box, trying to sell cute little toys. There were these mice on a string that jumped around, and some jelly blob that produced a very nice splatter when thrown onto the ground. Being me, I was somewhat fascinated by these things, but was quickly turned off by the realisation that these were illegal peddlers. Still, the scene of small coloured clockwork toys on the ground, and brilliantly shaded kites in the air, gave the place a kind of atmosphere that was hard to place. Could either have been screaming “tourist trap!” or “You're on holiday!”. Probably a little of both, but I'm leaning more to the gimmick...
Now, disappointment. There was supposed to be a great view of the city skyline on the other side of the river. There was no great view. It probably would have been awesome, if it weren't for the great amount of smoke and dust hovering over the city. Shanghai was recently ranked as one of the most polluted cities in the world. I got to see just how polluted it was. It was almost as bad as that time back here in Singapore when the haze was killing everyone. In fact, maybe worse... But the way the cold air numbs you, it's less noticeable. Anyway, the city scape on the other side was shrouded in smog and haze, and I could hardly make out the famous pearl-shaped structures.
And then, a sudden realisation! This place... was the very place that a certain game I'd played a while ago modelled its Shanghai landscape from. I don't play any more(The community is just utter bullshit) but still, nice to see something that you first discovered in fiction, now in real life.
Look, some European-looking buildings.
Taking a walk through down The Bund was an experience all in itself. Sadly, it wasn't exactly a good one. The previously mentioned illegal peddlers would constantly call out to you. Until a policeman in a buggy came driving in, sirens wailing. All those people suddenly scooped their stuff off the floor, and disappeared. I swear, they've all been hacking The Matrix. One of the less fascinating set of encounters would have been the ones where some old person would come up to you with a single coin in hand, asking for cash. I have proof that we live in some sort of Matrix now. All of these people look exactly the same! It's like someone designed them, but didn't bother to add distinguishing features. They all appear the same age, have straggly, unkempt hair and what looks like soot on their faces. Their clothes are generally dull, earthy colours... except for the scarf, which is usually rainbow-striped, or is actually a towel. I mean, seriously. They all look like the same person. Clones. Just like in Splinter Cell... Sorry about the game references >.<>
The redeeming feature... would be the night scene. Yes, the lights were bright enough to pierce the fog.
Yeah and then there were temples... and caves... and stuff... and temples...
That one is supposed to resemble the Chinese character for "heart". There's a story behind it, but I forgot what it was. Had to do with couples who do something with the tree being able to read each other's minds.
Later on, came across some sort of teahouse. It was really the first thing that I enjoyed over there; it was warm.They had this lady to teach us about different types of tea, how they're prepared and the proper way to drink them. Interesting enough for me, yes. Predictably, my mom bought about seven tonnes of tea leaves over the entire trip.
Curiously, the food in Shanghai seems very limited. There is maybe one type of noodles, and they prefer to serve only pork or beef. Wasn't much variety in the greens, either. Though I didn't pay much attention to that. Their chickens were the most underfed, scrawny, abominations of poultry I had ever seen. Simply put, they're not big on chicken. Unfortunately, I do not possess the ability of chicken-genesis... which is to produce chicken out of nothing. Sort of like alchemy, but with chickens. So yeah... beef or pork for me. Might even have eaten some other unknown animal, because some of the meats tasted nothing like beef or pork.
I'm hinting at man's best friend here. I'm serious, look at this photo.
That's “Dog Meat” for anyone who doesn't understand Chinese.
The next day, and actually for another couple of days... we visited these big gardens. They were supposedly built during the imperial times, and maintained for tourists and the like today. At first it was pretty impressive. The architecture was in good taste, and the scenery was pretty enough. There would be these ponds with dozens of carp swimming around. Trees that were supposedly centuries old. The sculptures were also nicely done, though they stood out to me for other reasons. Look, I think I know where John McTierman got the original design for Predator from.
And there were also these big dragon things... Here's the head. The body and tail continues all the way on the top of the walls.
...And traditional Chinese Medicine places. Look what they've got here.
Funnily enough, I was reminded of a sick little memorisation technique we used to have which involved turning stuff involved in reproduction into foods. Placenta soup. I always had the suspicion that it did exist, but oh well. Here's the confirmation.
And some reptiles for happiness...
Later on, some physician lady gave us a diagnosis of some problems we might be having by feeling our pulse. And predictably, she said I was thin. Supposedly, it's some kind of absorption issue. They managed to convince my mom into buying some pills that were supposed to improve our health in various ways.
But you know, the sceptic in me was just bursting to openly oppose this decision. I mean, okay, she predicted hypertension. That's not an uncommon problem in older people. She mentioned me not having a too good of a diet. Now how many teenagers do you know that have a great, healthy diet? I mean honestly, these diagnoses weren't exactly difficult to come up with. I could have done it.
Ah whatever.
So we also visited some city gate...with cannons... and catapults... and rocks made of polystyrene...
One other thing to look out for would be these bonsai gardens. Bonsai refers to “miniature”. Something I learnt from a Heroes interview. Anyway, these bonsai gardens are just full of these plants, that were sculpted and grown to resemble aged trees. Here's a pic...
And not only were there miniature trees, but also miniature mountains. According to our guide, the people who build these things would go paint a picture of the mountain, then hack a rock into a similar shape.
Interesting, yes, but if you've seen one, you've seen them all. Chinese gardens all look the same.
Ah, but here's something to break the monotony! You know, sometimes I feel bad when I'm laughing at someone else's grammatical skills, but I get over it pretty quickly.
Non-recyclable, obviously, but still...
Uh Huh...
Yeah, because I would really want to jump into a pile of grass.
They should really get an editor.
Now who the hell would name their company LameX?
Mmm... Baby silk. I hope they don't kill too many of them, though.
If there's one place that you really should visit, it would be this place... somewhere... It's called Xin Tian Di or whatever, and it's basically a sort of food central. Plenty of nice restaurants there. We had some Brazilian stuff for lunch on the Friday before our departure. Real beef, not the it-could-be some-sort-of-fish beef.
If there's something that really bugs me about the place... it would be the people. I'm willing to bet that less than half of them know the meaning of “Shut Up.” They talk impossibly loudly, and a group of three of them can just fill an entire room as well as a kid with a drumkit. I felt like Sylar after he obtained Enhanced Hearing. Head pounding, with an amazingly strong urge to get up and scream “SHUT UP godamnnit.” I have no idea how people can talk so loud, so fast, and so annoyingly.
Plus, they don't exactly Victorian manners either. Push almost always comes to shove, and if you're not assertive enough, they'll just run you over. I kept choreographing scenes where I was torturing some particularly idiotic looking punk who had just bumped into me for no reason.
Also... You know how I said that the roads were dangerous? I forgot to mention that the side walks are pretty hazardous as well. There would be these motorcyclists who would zoom up the ramps onto the side walks, and just run right by you, grazing your jacket. Not only is it really loud and does it leave a lingering stench of gasoline behind, it's also really annoying. I mean, I get annoyed at how little they care about other's safety.
All said and done, I'm glad to be back here in Singapore. We live in undoubtedly the most high-tech and developed country in our Asia. With the exception of Japan, perhaps. But my point, is our standards of service are so much higher. Coming back, I think I probably get less annoyed at our... local... idiots than before.
However, I'll miss not having to sweat for an entire week. Other than weird policies and the hot weather, we live in a great place.
Well, that's about it for my trip. Sorry if it was a little too negative for your liking, it's just how I feel.
Oh yeah, and I was doing a lot of cubing during my free time. I wanted to list out all the Fridrich F2L algorithms, but there were just too many. I think my method is fine. I've gotten my time down to below 75 seconds. Clap clap clap. I wondered what I looked like when I was cubing, so I video taped(what's the past tense of video?) myself and... well, here it is!
I think you need Quicktime to view it. I can't be bothered to change the formats right now because it's 5am. I haven't slept yet. I was too busy playing The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Yeah, the original one on SNES. I tried it on the flight home and I'm addicted now.
Oh well. hope that didn't overload the system.
-Joe