Heh. Posting frequency is not directly proportional to number of responses. There's a limit to how much I can write. Maybe I'll draw another graph relating the quality of writing.

And nice one on the inside leak... Unless it's just another rumour! And the 24th is a Thursday. Isn't it customary for it to be on a Friday?

Whatever the case, it'll have to be out by next week anyway. Do I want to know? Yes, definitely. And not just because I'm hoping for my name to be engraved on the wall.

Right now, I'm faced with a dilemma. Should I carry on here in AJC, or go to a polytechnic? These words make the whole thing look a lot less serious than it really is. To most, it would probably be an obvious choice. I can already hear everyone yelling at me “Forget poly! Stay with a junior college!”, and yeah, they do have some good points.

One, it's definitely the fastest way into a university. No doubt about that. As compared to me having to be in the top 5% of the cohort if I choose the other option. Given that I do want to end up in a university eventually, the smarter choice would seem to be JC.

But then I look at it... And it's not so welcoming. Maybe I'm worrying too much, but it just doesn't feel right. There's geography, maths... Chinese... Ick... Okay, geography's all right. Never liked maths, but it is important. Chinese can go jump into a drainage ditch.

Okay, great. Now it's starting to look okay. But there's always that issue... That is that I can't know something unless I've done it. I don't feel like I've done anything in JC yet. I'm not in it yet. I feel like I'm just looking at it through a glass window. Surface details. Nothing inside. How am I supposed to make my decision when I haven't actually properly tried it? Same goes for polytechnic. Why isn't there another little period of time when we get to try it out before the permanent posting? This is worse than playing Russian Roulette. At least there if you get unlucky you don't have to deal with it.

From this current point of view, polytechnic still looks great. I get to specialise in what I want to do. I basically learn all the skills that I need for a profession is this area. It may take three years, but it certainly does look attractive...

I keep telling myself and other people that I can make it into the top 5%. At those times, I sure felt pretty confident of myself. But how do I know that I'm not really deluding myself? I mean, there are a lot of people. I'm smart, but am I smart enough? Am I good enough with my hands? Am I really meant to take this up in the first place?

I don't know. Genetics is still my favourite discussion topic. With anyone that would listen, anyway. I love reading about the little stuff that goes on in our cells. But is that enough? Do I have what it takes to be professional in this, or am I merely interested? How do I know?

And it works for JC too. The whole, “am I thinking right?” thing. How do I know that I'm not deluding myself into thinking that I can handle JC properly? As I've said earlier, I've only experienced... Half the tip of the iceberg. Or maybe not. Again, how do I know? It's impossible.

And no, no coin tosses for me this time. Because a coin toss is never fair. If you spin a coin in exactly the same way, it will always land on the same side. If you don't, then it's not a uniform test.

What I need is a time machine of some sort...

That actually brings me to another issue I'm facing. People don't want to talk about genetic mutation, apocalypses, time travel, logical paradoxes, the implications of when goats are capable of making spider's silk, when jellyfish become capable of walking on land, how to assault a small town using only biological weapons, whether or not it's possible to throw an object in a circular motion around you... And all the other bullshit that I can come up with. They don't care what would happen if Darth Vader were pitted against Optimus Prime on board the USS Enterprise, while explosive decompression simultaneously occurs with cheetos popping into existence randomly around.

It might actually be that they don't think of explosive decompression occurring very often.

The closest I get to any of that is in KI classes, where I get to tell everyone that none of us really exist and that we're all actually a computer simulation, without having anyone go “that's impossible” at me.

Whee.

Macdonalds... With child abuse!