Um, happy new year!

It's 2009. Sheesh. That means that I need to get used to writing new dates. Even now, after more than an entire year since I've been in Montfort, I still get the urge to write a (15) after my name. In fact, if you want to take a look at my recent work, you'll find little blotches next to my name indicating that I accidentally wrote my old index number.

I feel like I could have had a better 2008. I know now that I can't do anything about it, and that all I can do is hope I do something right this year. The new year's message is always the same. Resolve to be fitter, smarter, and more productive. Become a better wheel, a solid cog turning in the machine that is society. Remove your old rust and re-oil your joints. A new year is a chance for a new start.

Also, it means we're all one year closer to the decay of our fleshy bodies.

So, I urge anyone who is doing engineering to start looking into biomechanical technology.



I feel like I just haven't left my past behind. I still yearn to somehow go back and relive those moments. I don't suppose I'm unique in that aspect; after all, what are memories good for if they are not cherished? What are we, but a collection of thoughts and experiences, melded through the amazing biochemistry of the brain into a conscious, thinking individual? Without our memories, we would function on instinct alone. We would be savages, not thinking ahead, not learning from the past. About as intellectual as the common cockroach, and far less sturdy.

As of late I feel as if I have diminished somehow. The confidence that I had in the past is waning. I used to be confident bordering on arrogance. Now I feel that my complacency was misplaced. Could I really have messed up so badly? Have I really grown so slack and mentally incapable that my work did not appear satisfactory in the eyes of the examiners? Perhaps I have lost my advantage.

Perhaps not. I still refuse to believe that my mental prowess is lesser to that of such a large number of people. If I am truly the one who has been declining, then why am I constantly sought after for answers? Surely, I know what I am doing. I'm the one who finds the answers. I'm the one who sees the right questions. I am Yoda. I am Gandalf. People call me the Genius. The Wise One.

And what now?

I see no light.

-Joe