Well, two days after Darwin Day, we celebrate the execution of whom we know now as Saint Valentine. Don’t you think it’s funny that we celebrate his execution, rather than his birth? Or some other interesting thing that he did? Being killed for committing a crime doesn’t sound like the way the guy would want to be remembered.

We also celebrate the decision made by Hallmark to suck fourteen billion dollars out of the world every year, just for this occasion alone.

Anyway, this day brings to mind several things, including chocolates, heart-shaped objects, actual hearts, and prairie voles.

(Because, see, the prairie vole is the only other mammal that can celebrate Valentine’s Day)

While people go around giving each other sweets and plant reproductive organs and such, not many of them think of why they’re doing it. Ask any of them, and they’ll most likely respond with “for love”, or “for friendship”. That’s all good and well, I guess. The Valentine’s Day tradition dates back to even before Hallmark thought about it.

Back when the Roman Empire was still around, the Pagans celebrated a holiday on the fourteenth, in honour of Juno Fructifier, Queen of the Roman Gods. Incidentally, she was also the goddess of marriage. One of the rituals involved every eligible woman writing their names down onto a piece of paper, and casting it into a box, which would then be mixed around. The men would then be required to pick a piece of paper from it. The ritual dictates that the two would have to become a couple for the day, and if they are willing, for the rest of the year.

So it’s sort of like a hybrid between Lotto and a matchmaking service. I wouldn’t be surprised if they still did that today.

Oh, but that’s not all. On the very next day, they celebrated Lupercalia, in honour of Faunus, the god of fertility. Part of the ritual involved men wearing goat-skins and running around, trying to hit women with little flails. Apparently, this was supposed to ensure fertility.

It is not specified what these little flails really are.


Anyway, the story goes that after Saint Valentine (the first, as well as the second and third) did all the stuff we’ve heard in the tales, the emperor of 469AD decided to have February fourteenth become a celebration in honour of Valentine. This pretty much gave the Christians a foothold in how the celebrations were carried out, and it seems that they have reigned supreme on Valentine’s Day.

At least until it was commercialised in the 20th century.

Mmm, chocolate.



-Joe